I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
