i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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