This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
