does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
