oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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