JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
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