We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
