I heard we made out
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
