My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
