need another drink. this is the easiest way
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
