I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize