he thought i was a dude.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
