Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
