I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize