he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
