Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
