I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
