i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
she woke up with a sticky ear
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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