Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Your penis caused this!
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
