So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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