how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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