And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
