Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
babies were throwing up all over the place
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
