Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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