OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
