Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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