would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
