I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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