Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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