Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
