I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
