I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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