I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
