That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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