it wasn't lemon gatorade
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
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