my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
