Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
