I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
