yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize