Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
