Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
