I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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