Im at strip club and am horny
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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