I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
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