in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize