Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
