It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
