the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
