Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Randomize
