I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
