i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
