Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
