Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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