I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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