you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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