God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
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