Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
