Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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