something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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