I'm eating all of the evidence.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize