Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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