Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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