You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize