My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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