You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
