I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize