jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
so that wasnt chicken after all
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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